Transmutation

Transformation is one of the most notable factors of growth in life and the metamorphosis of butterflies is a great example of this. Seen as a symbol of change rebirth, and resurrection, these lovely creatures are representative of the changes we make throughout life. We first start out as curious little sponges - learning to crawl, walk, and then run, but in this case, I’d say I’m flying.

I created this gif - my first animation - during one of the most somber years of my life - while I was undergoing the harrowing process of grieving who I was/thought I should be. When I made it, I was stuck in a state of crippling anxiety: terrified of going outside my comfort zone or showing my true self, and feeding the self-limiting beliefs and coping mechanisms I’d gained from the traumatic events I endured. I couldn’t understand how I got to this point, but I knew that I wanted to get out of it. I knew that I needed to do something different, so I made this gif with the intention to foreshadow my future - with the butterfly as a representation of me.

Inspired by the song “Turn It Off” by Paramore (the greatest band ever), I wanted to create a visual based on the lyrics which truly represented where I was both at and wanted to be in the future. The song states “And the worst part is before it gets any better we’re headed for a cliff, and in the free fall I will realize I’m better off when I hit the bottom.” In hindsight, these lyrics may sound melancholic, but to me, they mean so much more:

When you hit rock bottom, the only place left to go is up.

Failing is inevitable, but it’s what you do after that decides what and who you become. The popular belief about failing caters more to fear and anxiety - the fear of making mistakes, the anxiety of remaining stuck, etc. However, the truth I’ve come to understand is that failing provides us with insurmountable opportunities - once we shift our perspective. If you never fail, you never grow because there’s nothing for you to learn from. Hitting rock bottom is sometimes necessary - at least it was for me - to find your footing again.

Sometimes, the most difficult of moments occur to propel us into who we’re meant to be. You get the chance to try something different, new, more real, and more you. It may sound cliche, but everything we experience in this lifetime is either meant as a lesson or a blessing and sometimes the lesson IS the blessing. Once you really start to believe in this perspective, there is a shift - transmutation - that occurs. Life and all its challenges become a lot easier to digest. Letting go of control actually provides you with more stability than trying to hold on to things you’re meant to let go of - even and especially those parts within yourself. It’s like the butterfly breaking out of the cocoon, what doesn’t serve you falls away and you come through stronger and more resilient than ever.

I hope that you’re able to see the beauty in the losses because the comeback is always more profound.

With love, always.